Just filling you in

Chickened out on the hair treatment thing. I went into this shady Chinese place where no one spoke English and somehow got the message across that I wanted the hair relaxing treatment for 85 quai advertised on the poster that hung on the front door of the basement level salon. Then after an intense consultation with the instructions on the back of the bottle of solution, the Chinese man with a bouffant who was assigned to me applied a thick layer of the pungent white goo to the hair at the nape of my neck. At first I just shrugged when they didn't use any vaseline to protect my scalp from chemical burns. But once they painted on the first layer I just looked at my face in the mirror and imagined myself bald. And promptly freaked the f out. And made them wash it out immediately, got a simple trim, and left. So my hair is still a mess. I'm going to save up and get a treatment at a Western salon eventually.

I got a ton more tutoring gigs recently. Hopefully I'll retain them all. It's a little scary to rely on your main source of income from a source that you is not contractually obligated to pay you, but one-on-one tutoring is totally more my bag than wrassling a classroom full of shrieking 5 year olds. One of the songs I played for them last week to teach them different ailments--runny nose, tummyache, toothache, headache--involved them acting out crying. Let me tell you, that's tough to take on very little (or no) sleep.

On Friday night I met up with some people at this Xinjiang restaurant. I had already eaten with a group of people at a Sichuan place where the food was really spicy and a man did a dance where he changed masked a million times but instantly, like magic. And another man did a dance with a teapot that was really lame and I just ignored it and ate the delicious food. I had rabbit for the first time and also a potato knish like thingy that was amazing. Xinjiang and Sichuan are both areas of China. Sichuan is a province in Western China and Xinjiang is an autonomous region up in the Northwest. It borders Russia, Mongolia, Kazakhstan and a bunch of other 'stans so the people look different. I didn't eat there but I did play hackysack with the restaurant workers with a lamb hoof that was served with my friends' meal. And then I put the hoof in my backpack and forgot about it. The next day I was looking for my chapstick or something and my hand brushed against it and I totally freaked myself out. Now it sits on my mantle. While I was photographing it for y'all I totally realized that it can act as the shankbone for our Passover seder!

Mm hoof. I gnawed on it semi-drunkenly on Friday night. I regret that now. Ew.

Masked man from the Sichuan place making the rounds through the restaurant. I shook his hand.

I also went to the world's first Barbie mega-store right here in Shanghai. And it totally lived up to expectations which were pretty high to begin with. It is six floors! And includes a spa, a restaurant, a cafe, a boutique, a play area, and much more. Oh, and a crapload of Barbies! Even ones designed to look like famous people which are creepily accurate. Ugh I didn't take a photo of the Beyonce Barbie which was totally spot on. Here is another nameless diva Barbie instead:

And here is a glimpse at the store through the glass wall of Barbies that surrounds the winding staircase in the center of the room:
There are so many other great photos of the Barbie store. It was just so well designed and beautiful in the girliest way possible. I made the girl that I tutored the next morning bust out her collection of Barbies so we could play with them. But even so this, by far, is my favorite photo that I have been a part of since I last posted:

This would be the little guy that my good friend Kelly (who was visiting from Zhangjiagang) and I found sweeping the sidewalk with a baby-sized broom. Notice the split pants in the crotch. You guys are lucky he is wearing a diaper because most babies don't and the slit in their pants allows them to do their business wherever they feel is necessary. Good God he is adorable.

March: Laura, Beijing, and a million other things that happened, none of which was me finding a steady job

It’s been a month somehow. A long month. The first one I didn’t rabbit rabbit for in quite a while. I’m not sure what effect my decision to not say those words for good luck had on the month of March, but it has definitely been an eventful month. Technically there is still a week left so maybe I’ll know by then what to make of the past few weeks.

Laura came. That was nice. We went to Beijing by overnight train. We shared our car on the way there with an organized tour group of exceptionally rowdy older Chinese ladies squawking away the whole time. I really thoroughly enjoyed watching them. My twelve hour trip consisted of me either sleeping or watching those ladies while listening to my Ipod. The train ride back was nice too. We had to buy tickets in a better class cabin because the cheapest beds were sold out so our beds were softer, we had more space, it was quieter, and I bought a bunch of paper strips so I could make origami stars. I taught Laura and the two Germans sharing our cabin how to make them too.

Between the two train rides some other stuff happened too. Right after we checked into our hostel we convinced a cab driver to take us to the Great Wall, wait for two hours, and bring us back. The Great Wall was amazing. We went to the section at Mutianyu, took the cable car up on a bright sunny Friday then walked the length of a few towers. And it was so uncrowded. Surprisingly so. We even made up a little song sung to the tune of “We’ve got the whole world in our hands.” It went: "We’ve got the whole wall to ourselves, we’ve got the whole [expletive] wall to ourselves" etc etc but with more creative curse words each time. It was amazing (I almost wrote monumental but then I realized that sounds kind of silly). After a few towers’ worth of walking we slid down the slide! It wasn’t as shady as I’d hoped it would be. They even had guards stationed before the more perilous turns. One of which yelled at me in Chinese because I was going too fast.

In addition to the Great Wall we also ate a tofu Peking Duck at an amazing vegetarian Buddhist restaurant. And on this “food street” that had crazy food like scorpions on a stick I ate a deep fried bird’s nest which didn’t really taste anything like I would imagine it to—twigs and bark and such. Now I’m researching it and realizing that the bird’s nest is a special one from a type of bird called an edible-nest swiftlet where the nest is made of solidified saliva. Finding that out I was initially disgusted and then sort of impressed with myself, but I’m pretty sure those bird’s nests were fake because the internet tells me that the nests are usually extremely expensive. And I doubt the legitimacy of the street vendors' claims after they told me like 4 different organ-looking things on sticks were dog penises. Is that just the big time seller to white women or something? I think they just got a kick out of yelling penis at me even though one of the skewers was definitely stuck through kidneys.

Half of a vegetarian duck.

That would be candy-coated fruit of some sort. Don't know exactly what kind. Something we don't have in America. It looks like I eat like Dad here. But it's just me getting out the pit.

Beijing was cool. As someone who studied cities I really liked it because it had that feeling of place about it that Shanghai lacks. There were monuments and squares and old buildings. But I’m glad I live in Shanghai. One really cool thing about Beijing are the hutong, the old style buildings with narrow alleyways.

A man writing with water on the sidewalk in a park in Beijing. He was 89 years old and very sweet. He let me practice my (English) calligraphy with his sponge/paintbrush.

It was good to have Laura here for a week. Good because she is like home, good because she is funny and sweet, good because she brought me girl scout cookies. Hard because my financial troubles were on my mind the whole time, hard because I reverted to the self I am when I am with my family which is a version of myself I don’t like as much. I'm glad I got to share the experience of sliding down the Great Wall with her.

It really was.
Me on the toboggan. Ignore how phallic the brake handle is. Oops now you can't.
Our driver who took us from the forbidden city to the food street in Beijing in his tiny little motorized cart. We sat facing backwards like how we did in the "way back" in the station wagon. I stuck my hand up in front of his face for this shot. You can see the wall of the forbidden city in the background out of the window.

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I picked up a side job in the past few weeks. I write for a Chinese celebrity gossip blog now for money. Not much money, but at least it keeps me writing. This past week was a little rough emotionally and it was also the first week of me posting for the blog (gossip-china.com) so it isn’t as funny as I hope for it to be eventually. So from now on if you hear of any Chinese celebrity gossip, send it on my way.

A highlight of my week recently has been the tutoring session I have on Wednesdays with a group of businessmen who are all pretty young--late twenties--with advanced English abilities. They want to learn how to converse with Americans and slang and stuff because they have a big conference coming up. I spent a long time during one class explaining to them how, in America, it is uncomfortable in a professional situation to be told by someone that you just met at, say, a conference in China, that you are beautiful or sexy. We spent another two hour meeting talking about Chinese folklore including the Chinese traditional beliefs about the afterlife which was really interesting. And they make me laugh. I love it when I have the chance to really connect with Chinese people.

Last night I went to my first Chinese-language concert. It was sort of an accident because I originally went with a friend who knew some people playing in the opening act (an English language band) which we ended up missing because we got there too late. And I surprisingly really enjoyed the Chinese band. Sound Fragment, from Beijing. They sound like a Chinese Radiohead, and I totally don’t mind that they are copycats because I love Radiohead and now I have a CD in Chinese that I can listen to signed by the lead singer. And the club was full of really cool Chinese people.

Tomorrow I am getting my hair "treated" which means slightly straightened just to loosen up some of the kinks. I'm a little nervous. I might end up bald. But if I do that just gives me an excuse to wear my Tina Turner wig everyday, right? Seriously if my hair gets really messed up after the ten dollar treatment I'm getting I will be sad. My hair is my one vanity.

I feel obligated to say something about Stephanie for her Mom's benefit. Um, she is staying for another year? I'm not.

Today is a rainy day.

Somehow I still don’t have my job stuff settled. It’s been so long, I’m over being anxious about it. That repressed anxiety might be the reason why my body only lets me sleep a little less than four hours a night. I get to sleep just fine, but then I wake up at four and that’s all I get. Which sucks today because I anticipate a big night tonight in honor of Mardi Gras. My friend Emily is from New Orleans and even made a big trek one Sunday morning to go to the Café Du Monde here all the way out in Pudong. I think it says something about my growing maturity that I didn’t even think twice about the name of this area of town across the river until Laura laughed at it.

Anyways, Emily, Steph, and I and two other of our girlfriends will be wearing sparkly sequined dresses tonight on our night out to celebrate. I’m excited to have an excuse to wear that getup again.

So it’s early in the morning, I’ve been up since four and already had my omelet and by big mug of espresso that I make Italian style on the stovetop (plus some instant mashed potatoes a few hours back during those no man’s land hours) and now I’m debating ordering a bagel with cream cheese to be delivered to me by a “Sherpa” the name of the fleet of motorcycles that delivers food from many of the restaurants in town. I found a bagel company here! I miss them so much. That, pancakes, and lasagna.

I applied for a Chinese reality show the other day. I really want a call back for an interview. I met a bunch of expats who were working for the show at a house party on Friday that I stayed at for way too long while trying to convince them that my personality is perfect for reality tv. See, I always thought that I would be good for reality tv because I am dramatic and obnoxious, but I would never do it in America because then everyone would see just how dramatic and obnoxious I really am. But here there would be no witnesses back home.

Ok I’m ordering the bagel. Actually…I decided against it because online there is no location address and no reviews of this place and I’m pretty sure if there was a bagel delivery store in Shanghai I would have heard of it before finding it trolling the internet at 4 am this morning. And I am especially suspicious of scams after the Daft Punk ordeal a couple of weeks back. Daft Punk are a couple of really popular French DJs. An office held in a loft apartment in an artsy district was selling tickets for 500 RMB (75 bucks). The concert date was given but the time and location were not. People were told to just keep their cell phones nearby and wait for a text with the information. The scam artists got away with the money and the several hundred people who got screwed were pissed enough to start an investigation that even has the French embassy involved.

Speaking of food, or well…I actually just talking about scams so speaking of awesome deals, I found a new, potentially favorite, street food today. There is a cart with different small buckets like at a salad bar with different vegetables and forms of tofu (tofu here comes in shapes, sizes, and textures that I’d never encountered in my 10+ years as a vegetarian in the States) that you pick up with tongs and drop into a little square tray. Then the lady manning the booth weighs out your tray and then mixes what you’ve gathered with sesame oil, peanut oil, chili oil, peanuts, sesame seeds, chopped up garlic, and a ton of cilantro (which I like now that I’m not living in my mother’s house) plus some powders. Due to experience with Chinese food I’m pretty sure those powders are sugar, salt, MSG (mmmm love it), and chicken bouillon. Then she hands it to you in the thinnest sandwich-sized plastic bag you ever saw because that’s what they use for everything here. At the grocery store, people put the leaky, thinner-than-saran-wrap bags filled with newly beheaded fish on the conveyer belt and it leaves pungent wet streaks. Sometimes they miraculously hold up, but this one was leaking all over the place during my 20 minute walk home while I picked at it with my fingers covered with 5 year old snot.

I’m working a little right now (thus the snot). Every afternoon for an hour at one of the most prestigious kindergartens in Shanghai I have two thirty minute classes with some brilliant 5 year olds. When I come in I shake all of their hands and get them to say “Good afternoon Rachel” and then at the end I give them all a high-five and tell them that they did a good job.

Waffles. Waffles would also be good. Specifically the ones Dad used to make in our old waffle maker that were really crispy with shallow syrup divots.

I also applied for a job as a Jewish extra in a Chinese film. There are often postings on the online classifieds for specific types of extras. This is the first ad I saw for Jews. I didn’t give them my address in case it’s all a neo-nazi scam.

Oh I had my Chinese ex-coworkers over for dinner and, no, I did not make them lasagna even though I would have loved to shove some of that into my face because I do not have an oven. I don’t even have a toaster with which to toast my non-existent bagel from the bagel scammers. I felt limited as to the American food I could provide them with only a stovetop. I didn’t want to make them something that they have already had in a Western restaurant like burgers or pasta. And so I made them hummus, bruschetta, broccoli and cheese, and couscous and I also bought some pita bread at the western grocery store. I made all of the food for them so we could eat it when they arrived at 6 because Chinese people like to eat early. But then they were an hour and a half late because my old job, didn’t let them leave until 6:30.

They came, they brought Chinese wine which was cute of them even though Chinese wine is grosssss, and the food was cold. They HATED the food which was hilarious to me. I wanted them to discuss exactly what they hated about it but they had to be polite guests and so we couldn’t play our usual game of closely examining the differences in our cultures. To be fair, hummus isn’t exactly the most easily likeable food. Cold mush. I think someone told them that in America it is respectful to finish your food (in China you should never finish all of your food because then it means that the hosts didn’t have enough to serve you). One girl begged me to not have to finish her cheese that came with the broccoli. Eventually, I brought out some Chinese snacks I had in the pantry. When I automatically put the napkin in my lap before the meal, I watched them all exchange glances and then mimic my movements in unison.

Over the course of the dinner I found out that one of the girls was a practicing Buddhist and I told them I was Jewish. They said that that means I am very smart and I asked them what else it meant, knowing what they would say. One of them finally admitted that it meant that I was very rich too. Chinese have a certain, limited but not entirely unflattering opinion of Jews. They think that we are all good businesspeople.

I accomplished my goal last week and bought a bike. Back then for a few brief days I had a steady job that I could bike to in the mornings. It was also sunny then. And unseasonably warm. It’s been raining for the past 4 days or so and the rains are predicted to continue for a few more. My bike sits in the bike shack behind my apartment building and I check on it everyday to make sure it’s still there. It has 4 locks. It really only needs three, one for the front, one for the back, and one to tie to frame to stationary object so the men in the white vans can’t come and pluck it off the street in the middle of the night.

I was going to buy a bike at the black market, where all the stolen goods are sold along with, I don’t know, whatever intriguing items are sold at a black market in the land of China where stores brazenly display counterfeited products and gun control is nonexistent. I’m picturing beating human hearts in murky glass tanks. But I didn’t get over there and now I can feel like an upstanding citizen who didn’t give her money to bike thieves, though for all I now, the man with tobacco-stained teeth and fingers who sold me mine in his bike shop could have very well acquired it through questionable means. And I sort of don’t feel like an upstanding citizen after I went to TMZ.com and added became another site visitor added to their counter to look at the photo of a beat up Rihanna that they got through their own questionable means from the LAPD. Anyways, I still plan on going to the black market to at least have a look around. Maple, one of my old co-workers, said she would take me sometime. I’m pretty sure it’s a place Westerners aren’t welcome, what with our cameras and fanny packs and all alerting the police that there is something noteworthy there.

I’ve got a couple more hours to kill before my one hour of work per day. I guess I’ll apply to more jobs. Breakfast update: I settled for oatmeal made with whole milk and cinnamon.

Rachel

P.S. I'm teaching my kids weather vocab this week, that's where the title comes from. And it's true.

Photo Post

Hey it's Steph's birthday. We had a big party last and actually drank four (half-sized because that's all you can get in China) kegs. I wrote down everyone's name who came in the door and we had 55 people! It got kind of crowded in the apartment for a little, but in general I think everyone had a pretty good time. Success! Let's look at some photos of the past week.

Steph with the cricket that the guy who delivered and set up the kegs had in his pocket (for good fortune). It was massive. Speaking of good fortune, my left eye has been twitching for the past two weeks and apparently in Chinese folklore that means a handsome man is in love with me.


These two dolls in a random hotel lobby wish guests "gong xi fa chai," or Happy New Year, with clasped hands and zombie glares. Literally translated, the Chinese phrase above is "wishing you to enlarge your wealth."

These are the firecrackers we lit to get the attention of the god of fortune on New Year's eve. So long!


This is an example of how adorable Chinese 3 year olds are. This girl is busy making a cookie in the shape of a letter F at my old job.


For a Hanukkah present, I got wood block letters spelling out the holiday. I spent some time trying to make a good anagram, and this one made me laugh. Kunk haha.

The photo for the facebook invitation to our party. This empty frame was in our house when we moved in along with our other Chinese-style furniture. Our Chinese guests loved the apartment and its mix of Western decorations with the more familiar (to them) Chinese style. Apparently, our apartment is more old-style (1920's) Shanghai. Once we stumbled upon a restaurant called 1921 a few blocks from our apartment and it was just so beautiful inside. I wonder what this city was like back then. When the French were here and there were still opium dens.

My beautiful, wonderful, and adorably drunk co-workers from the job I hated along with a new coworker from my new job (white guy on the left), Steph, and Pete (Steph's British boyfriend).

Here is Pete wearing Special Occasion Pants that he changed into at midnight and wore while bringing out the surprisingly-delicious-especially-because-Chinese-people-can't-bake cake (pictured in bottom right corner). You can also see Steph and I's matching sequined dresses. My face is so contorted in this picture from laughter.

Mm just got back from all-you-can-eat buffet brunch and I'm so pleasantly full and happy I don't have to go back to that horrible job. And I think I'm going to keep hanging out with my co-workers I love. I'm cooking them an American feast on Tuesday. Though I'm not sure what to make them. Suggestions? And Steph's super-fun friend who is teaching in Japan is visiting on Wednesday and LAURA (my sister) IS COMING for her spring break. If only she could hide Maggie (other sister) in her suitcase, then supreme happiness would be achieved.

This week's goal: buy a bike.

Rachel

Happy New Year

Happy Chinese New Year everyone. You would not believe how loud it got last night with all of the fireworks. Apparently, the worst of it is actually on Thursday of this week. Traditional Chinese belief is that the more loud fireworks you set off, the more prosperous your year will be and the better the chance is that you will catch the attention of the money guy (who comes on Thursday of this week).

I spent last night with my friend Simon and his family who are from Hong Kong. We set off fireworks in their apartment complex along with every other family living in the complex. While eating dinner giant fireworks you could never get your hands on in the States exploded two feet from the window. Simon’s brother was telling a story about a friend whose apartment windows exploded from too-close fireworks. Basically I was terrified all night. I’ve always loved fireworks but watching a grandpa smoking a cigarette while reading something on the bottom of a 3x3 foot cube of gussied up gunpowder in an apartment lobby is just too much for me. I did muster up the courage to set off one extremely loud firework in order to ensure I will have a prosperous new year. Seriously it sounded like a nuclear explosion. Not that I’ve ever heard one of those. I was shaky for about an hour afterwards. On the walk home I would carefully peek around every corner to make sure a fireball wasn’t headed in my direction.

So I’m living in Shanghai and I am absolutely blissful. Our apartment is fantastic. Right now I am listening to my ipod through the great sound system on our big comfy couch on wireless internet. We have a dining table that seats six and has a candelabra in the center. And all of this was included. Well except for the internet. We’ve already had our first dinner party. I think I’ll make it a weekly thing because for all of my slobitude I love being a hostess. Steph and I both were raised by mothers who know how to throw a great party.

Everything has somewhat settled down, but much of these first two weeks here were full of upheaval. Visa drama consumed me. I was averaging about three hours of sleep a night due to stress while going to interviews and working on visa stuff all day long. Then the company that ended up getting me my visa wanted me to start work immediately at a winter camp which I worked at for 11 days straight. The camp was for kids aged 3-5. Those Chinese babies were adorable, energy-sucking little things.

I may not stay with this school, which might introduce another set of visa complications. I have another job offer where I wouldn’t have to work weekends as I would with the first job. Because I only had ten days to get everything worked out before my visa’s expiration date, compounded by the fact that during Chinese New Year all of China shuts down for a week and the week before the shut down, the processes of previously inefficient government bureaucracies slow to a crawl—sort of forced me into a job that could get a visa pushed through quickly. Bureaucracy, you suck.

So I hate this new job. The only native English speakers currently employed by the company are me and Jim. Jim is a thirty nine year old man who moved here three weeks ago with his Shanghainese wife. Jim gives me the heebie-jeebies. Bad vibes. He acts like a children’s entertainer on the verge of a breakdown. He has several facial tics. When he talks to me his eyes contact is unwavering (except for the frequent and forceful blinking—one of the tics).

I do happen to love my Chinese teacher coworkers. One in particular, Maple, and I get along really well. I think it’s because we both have what she calls “flower hearts.” We can’t make up our minds and we want to try everything. She is married to a chef at one of the nice hotels in town who drops her off at work on his motorcycle at 9 am everyday and then makes the trek back to pick her up at nine pm--or whatever time my bosses allow her to go home to her nineteen month old daughter. My bosses work my Chinese coworkers to the bone, but I breeze out of there at 4, my white face their biggest asset.

The school is brand-new and there are a lot of kinks to be worked out. The start up money was provided by the parent company, a publishing agency whose books and dvds are sold as part of the course. The winter camp I was working at was a promotional tactic to get the word out about the school. Personally, I don’t see the school succeeding.

Life in Shanghai is really grand. I feel like there are countless possibilities, opportunities, things for me to try, and people for me to meet here. Every night I get to go home to a place that feels like home even though I’ve only lived in it for a week and a half. And I get to live with Stephanie who makes me laugh every day. We are planning our first house party (different from dinner party) on February 7th, the day before her birthday. I told the Chinese teachers at the school and they were all so excited to be invited, it made me feel good. I have learned so much about Chinese people in the few intense days working with them.

I love that in Shanghai it is easy to find Chinese people fluent in English. I have also made friends with the newspaper vendor across the street where I can buy the English language Chinese newspaper, the China Daily. It’s easy to find restaurants with English language menus. I am going to sign up for a Chinese class once I get my working schedule figured out.

I wish everyone a prosperous new year. This week I’m going to try to avoid getting my face blown off which I am seriously paranoid about. Especially because if it happened, I doubt there would be anyone working at the hospital to stitch me up.

Rachel

Times are a changin'

Hey Y'all guess what? The semester is over!!!!! I turned in all 600 graded exams. Tomorrow morning I somehow convinced the school driver to give me and all of my crap a ride to Shanghai and it's there that I'll stay for the next six months.

On January 13th, Steph and I can pick up the keys to our new apartment. We found it this past weekend. It’s in a great area of town called the French concession, close to the subway, and it has charm. Which is difficult to find in Shanghai, a city so proud of its modernity. Fourth floor walkup, but when you are walking up the stairs the walls are painted and there is crown molding and the steps are wooden instead of cement. There are even little gardens in front of the first floor apartments. It’s adorable. Most importantly, it’s a great apartment to entertain in which was our number one concern when looking at apartments. It's fully furnished and really home-y. We will be signing a six month lease.

In case you are wondering, I still don't have a job. I'm repressing the anxiety now pretty well though. I have some interviews starting on Sunday. There are prospects. Deep breath.

Ouch. Oh yeah that's right I can't breath deeply anymore ever since I totally busted in the dining hall, taking down a stack of used trays with me. My coat is now coated (ha!) in a splattered assortment of Chinese food (and instead of cleaning it I just bundled it into a ball and shoved it into a suitcase). They always mop the floors before everyone is done eating plus it was raining that day. I went down HARD and now I start whimpering before I sneeze because I know the sharp jab in my side that's coming. I had the wind knocked out of me for at least thirty seconds or so while all the cafeteria ladies hovered around me, trying to get me to stand up and patting me down because they think that cures sore muscles.

I hope everyone has had a great start to their new year. It seems like New Years was ages ago. I guess a lot has been going on since then. We went to a really classy party up high in a skyscraper with a great view of the Shanghai skyline. Though when I think back to that night, what has stayed with me is the two hour walk in the freezing cold Steph and I were forced to take when we couldn't get a cab. We sang pop songs to ourselves so it turned out ok.

Let's look at some pictures:
New apartment. Fake fireplace. Steph promised to paint a family portrait of us in tribute to the actual family portrait that hangs above the Aland family fireplace. And then we will take prom photos in front of it.

The "wall" that separates my future bedroom from Stephanie's. Taken from my side of the room. Look at that pirate treasure chest. I kind of want to fill it with something creepy....maybe all of mine and Steph's stray hairs that are destined to fill up the apartment. And then inside that big gob of hair I'll nestle some gold-plated bird's eggs? I have to confess, I've had a couple of celebratory glasses of wine after I turned in those graded exams.

The eating contest at the goodbye party I threw for myself in my apartment. That navy blue futon isn't mine, Mary Beth and I lugged it up to my apartment from hers for the occasion. In case you're curious, the food being consumed is popcorn.

At a lull in the party I popped out of the bathroom in my Tina Turner wig. In every candid photo of myself speaking I look like this. Neck muscles strained, mouth open wide, and finger pointed. I wonder what words of wisdom I was espousing here?

Rachel